Thank him...up one side and down the other

Here’s another important piece: when a man does something that pleases you…thank him! Several
times. Thank him in the moment, and be specific about what pleased you (it made you feel cared for, it
helped you somehow…). And thank him again later, in an unrelated moment: “Remember when you
complimented me on my outfit? That made me feel pretty.” “I’ve noticed you haven’t been leaving your
shoes in the middle of the hallway. I really appreciate that. I feel safer and not afraid to trip over them
anymore.”

Set your man up to win: be specific

Setting your man up to win might also sound like: “Sweetie, it would really make me happy if we had a
date night at that French restaurant this Friday; I could wear my new dress and you’d look so handsome
in that suit we got you last year. Would you be willing to make a reservation for an early dinner for us?”
Be specific. He wants to make you happy. I guarantee it; that’s how men are. If you communicate
clearly, then he knows what to do to get the win: make the reservation, wear the suit, and take you out
to dinner at the French restaurant.

Set your man up to win: he wants to please you

Setting a man up to win is telling him what would make you happy, and inviting him to please you. Not
demanding: inviting. When a woman demands, a man only has two choices: he can submit and comply
(not a win), or he can rebel (not a win either). Inviting would be something like: “Honey, it would really
help me out if you would take out the trash”. He wants to help, he takes out the trash, you’re pleased,
he wins, everybody wins.

Men need wins

Men generally thrive on
wins; they need a lot of them. It’s not at all that they’re frail creatures who need to be pumped up; it’s
how they’re put together. And there’s great value in it. When a man is happy at work, feels effective, get
successes, that’s a win. Each new client, each sale, each happy customer, each time his supervisor
praises him, he’s a winner. It’s similar in relationships.

Men have binary brains

When
you set a man up to win, it doesn’t mean that you lose. On the contrary. When you can increase a man’s
sense of his manhood (and I’m not just talking about sex here) (but that too), his self‐esteem blossoms,
he feels empowered, and better able to get the ‘win’. Men have binary brains: every situation is either a
win or a lose. It’s not wrong. It’s just one of the ways that men are not women.

Build you man up

Build your man up, set him up to win. There are women who take men
down, and those who build them up. You know who you are. It’s ok. We’re all doing the best we know
how. Man bashing is an insidious message we get from the culture. It’s not overt necessarily; it’s subtle,
but damaging. And the worst part is that women don’t get what they want from men that way.

'Getting our needs met'

Unproductive habits include waiting for him to read our mind, making him wrong for not doing so, and punishing him for it. Some couples really have stamina and can do this for years on end. Their communication consists of bickering, unresolved fights, lobbing emotional grenades at each other because they’re not ‘getting their needs met’. Let me tell you: nobody was put on this earth to meet our needs. I know; nobody likes to hear that.