Don't do it in the dark!

Don't do it in the dark! You know what I'm talking about.
Don't deprive yourself, or your partner, of part of the experience. :)
Don't hide your body, ladies. Part of Erotic Integrity is owning your body.
And look at each other. If it's dark, you can't see each other. That's fun once in a while for fantasy play. But it's not conducive to intimacy ('into me you see').
I'm not talking bright lights here, unless it's daylight (warm days, lovemaking in the secluded sunshine). A candle is sufficient for you to see each other.

Relationship & Sex questions answered, tonight

San Rafael Mother's Club presentation
Tuesday 8/24 @ 7:30 - 9 PM
Town Center Community Room (Tamalpais Room), in Town Center, 770 Tamalpais Dr, #201, Corte Madera (right past AT&T store in Town Center)
RSVP to Drjessica474@aol.com

San Rafael Mother's Club, Free Presentation by Claudia Six, PhD, Relationship Therapist.
Topics covered:
-Keeping your marriage alive with the addition of children
-Couples communication skills
-Tools to strengthen your marriage & avoid divorce
Bring your sex & relationship questions...

'We don't communicate"

That is one of the common complaints, that brings people into my office.
What I tell people is: "People always communicate. It's just that sometimes they don't like the message they're getting."
When he sits w/his arms crossed, or rolls his eyes when she speaks, he's communicating plenty: he's closed, he's dismissive, probably because he's angry, and he's hurt.
When she sits at the far end of the couch leaning away from him, she's communicating: "I don't want to be close to you, don't touch me".
Beyond the basics of not making your partner wrong, making 'I' statements, and speaking of your own feelings (and that takes work), effective communication takes skill. That's one of the things I help people with.

The most important question

People get busy, and they lose connection with each other.
When you ask your mate: "Honey, how was your day?", you're not just asking for data. You're reading between the lines about how your partner is feeling. Are they feeling empowered and effective in their work? Do they feel good about how they handled themselves? Are they overwhelmed and in need of help or support, or words of kindness? Are they feeling accomplished by having generated a certain amount of business, so they can provide for the family, or keep the house? Are they hurt by something someone said to your child?... You get the gist.
People are always communicating, but what are they really saying?
When you ask your mate how their day was (preferably not while you're multi-tasking), you're communicating that you care & are paying attention. :)

Deserving

Another myth I'd like to debunk is the notion of deserving.
How many times have you heard: "You deserve a great relationship", "You deserve a better partner",...?
I don't think deserving has anything to do with it. Of course we can all have a good relationship. It's totally within the realm of what is possible. But I don't believe that it's something you have to earn. It's not as if you need to be on good behavior, accumulate brownie points, and then you are worthy. Having a good relationship is not based on merit; it's based on our ability to create for ourselves. And what gets in our way when we create? Scripts/buttons/triggers/faulty beliefs that lead to ineffective choices. (More on that some other time.)

San Rafael Mother's Club presentation, tues 8/24

Tuesday 8/24 @ 7:30 - 9 PM
Town Center Community Room (Tamalpais Room), in Town Center, 770 Tamalpais Dr, #201, Corte Madera (right past AT&T store in Town Center)
RSVP to Drjessica474@aol.com

San Rafael Mother's Club, Free Presentation by Claudia Six, PhD, Relationship Therapist.
Topics covered:
-Keeping your marriage alive with the addition of children
-Couples communication skills
-Tools to strengthen your marriage & avoid divorce
Bring your sex & relationship questions...

Soulmate vs lifemate

The popular notion regarding the search for one's Soulmate, the one perfect person out there for us, the one who will be the best match, is misguided. Someone can show up for us astrologically as a soulmate, and we can feel as though that person is already known to us, as if we'd met them before. They can feel familiar to us, easy, a known entity, an unbreakable bond.
But let's not confuse that with a partner who has the same life goals, who wants to create the same things we do, and who has the skills to do so.
If your soulmate doesn't want kids and you do...they're just not a viable life mate for you.